There are many steps you can take to be that oasis of calm after you calm yourself.
- First of all, remember that your child has valid fears, concerns and opinions, even if you do not agree with them or know how they reached their conclusion. So the first step to being that oasis is to validate them genuinely and show that their reactions matter. You can't work through their reaction until you can identify with them from their point of view!
- MAINTAIN A SENSE OF NORMALCY. There are many fears that the results of the election will lead to numerous scary consequences for many people from immigration, to healthcare and institutionalized discrimination. Validate those fears (see below) but also reinforce how their lives are still the same, particularly many aspects of their routines and daily life. This will go great lengths to easing anxiety around fears that everything is going to fall apart.
- TAKE TIME FOR FUN!
- Recognize that children with autism often speak through very fluid and often complex metaphors. For example, an expressed fear is that the newly elected president will permit more police brutality because of certain verbal statements that have been made. Investigate into the metaphor being used to find the underlying meaning and concern, which can then be addressed.
- When targeting a specific worry, use balanced and neutral facts to provide counterpoints to whatever facts the child has developed to support that worry. For example, speaking with them about Black Lives Matter and its efforts to curb police violence as a counterpoint to the "imminent increase in police brutality".
- As a side note, it is very, and I cannot stress enough, very important that counter-facts and opinions are presented as balanced and non-partisan as possible.
- You are their "expert" and as such provide your child with facts of life and help them navigate their social world. As they are often very concrete thinkers and unable to contemplate wider, abstract concepts such as many people having many other opinions, that can vary from topic to topic, a child with autism is likely to take information and see it as "the gospel truth" and not something to budge from. If you can provide information from different perspectives and stress that people have different opinions you can make great contributions to their ability to handle peers and their reactions and opinions.
- Remember that children with autism, and children in general, may not understand the implications of their actions or statements being made by parents or others. They may also not understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate contexts in which to share them. They may think they are simply stating a fact, while it actually is a negative message some might find hurtful or worrying. You can make sure that your child struggles less around this aspect by monitoring what you say and providing balanced information.
- Help your child find appropriate outlets to express their conclusions and views where it will be seen as constructive and non-detrimental to them from a consequences standpoint.
- Encourage communication with your child's teacher, therapist, and other service providers around ways they can express themselves and share their fears safely and healthily.
- Encourage understanding of why the winner of the election was who they were by using metaphor to explain the complex process of how a president is elected. This may be more beneficial for younger children than older ones, but one idea is to use the "team captain" metaphor where team-mates decide who they want to lead the team and can replace them. it is very simplistic but can be a good entry to effectively answering other questions about elections.
- Remember to speak to the child's intelligence and ability to understand election related concepts.
- Again avoid using bias and personal beliefs when answering questions about why people voted for whom they did. There are many good people who voted for the winner and many good people who voted for the other candidate. Emphasize that point because your child undoubtedly goes to school with children of families with voters on both sides, hearing their opinion. This holds especially true when discussing worries around race, gender, religion, etc.
- Limit screen time to the television, computer, other electronic devices, and social media. Many children with autism communicate easier through social media, yet they are simultaneously exposed to more frequent inputs about the election, peer opinions (see my post on social media anxiety), and views not in context of wider issues. You can help them make sense of it.
- Move slowly and in slow increments. We may be able to process our responses faster than those with developmental disabilities and do not struggle with perseveration to such a degree. The topic and same concerns may come up repeatedly until the child feels safe enough to move on to the next one. Be patient, breathe, and move slowly through each one giving as much time as is needed.
Please remember these are only a few suggestions and is not intended to be all-encompassing. I would love any further thoughts and suggestions and welcome your responses! Good luck and be well, after all the holidays will soon be upon us!
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