September 30, 2015

What are you looking for in a relationship? Taking the first step.

Making the decision to date or start a relationship can be an exciting experience. It can also be quite scary and overwhelming. Whether you want go on casual dates or find someone who will be long-term relationship material, a good place to always start is to ask yourself: What type of person am I looking for?

First off, think about yourself. Perhaps the most important question to ask yourself is AM I READY? If the prospect of asking someone out is too scary for you to even think about, it may be a good sign that you are not ready. That does not mean you will never be able to go out with someone else. It is an excellent indicator of your self-awareness and acknowledgement that you may not be able to enjoy the process and be available for another person. You can always try again!

Do some self check-ins. How do you feel about yourself as a person? Do you generally feel positive or negative? Do you acknowledge your shortcomings without letting them define the rest of you? Do you see your positives as being positive for someone else? What contributions would you bring to a relationship?

Do some practical self-work: Do I have the SUPPORT of my loved ones? Can I get assistance from friends or family to get to a meeting place? What options do I have in my community to meet people? Does my schedule permit me to date? Do I have any limitations on the types of activities I can participate in that may limit my options? Am I more comfortable meeting in person or online? Am I more comfortable meeting people alone or in a group setting?

What do you want from another person? Do you want to casually date multiple people? Do you want to find someone who you can share similar interests with as friends? Are you looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend? Are you looking for a soulmate?

After answering those questions, it’s always wise to ask yourself what type of person do you want to be around? Do you want someone with shared interests? Someone who will be affectionate and loving? Someone who is supportive and accepting of you as you are? Someone who is outgoing or more of a homebody? Are you looking for someone who wants the same type of relationship as you? How important is acceptance and involvement by each other’s families in your relationship?

These questions and the ones before them are just several examples of the many that people think about when exploring dating and relationships. Once you have done your “self-work” and are comfortable with your decisions, you can begin the quest to find a date.


Atwood, T. (2009, February 20). Romantic Relationships for Young Adults with Asperger's Syndrome and High Functioning Autism. Retrieved September 18, 2015.

Attwood, S. (2008). Making sense of sex: A forthright guide to puberty, sex and relationships for people with Asperger's syndrome.London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Benito, N., Fishbein, H., Hepburn, C., Higgins, K., Janicki, M., Johns, P., . . . Wichmanowski, D. (2011, February 1). Sexuality Across the Lifespan: For Children and Adolescents with developmental Disabilities. Retrieved September 25, 2015.

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