September 30, 2015

Signs of Healthy Boundaries: You are doing just fine!

Appropriate Trust
  • Feeling like your own person
  • Feeling responsible for your own happiness 
  • Together time and personal time are balanced 
  • You have friends outside your relationship 
  • Being able to see the best in your partner 
  • Being able to feel loving without pressure 
  • Not feeling pushed or manipulated to do things you are not comfortable with 
  • Not using gifts, fear, anger, or anxiety to get what you want 
  • No expectations for your performance in the relationship 
  • No conditions on your love 
  • Being open and honest in your communication 
  • Feeling comfortable and safe expressing yourself honestly 
  • Feeling committed to your partner 
  • Respectful of your partner and their differences 
  • Honoring the strength of your relationship 
  • Accepting of changes on your relationship status 
  • Accepting endings 
Anything OPPOSITE of what is listed on the “Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries” list!

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries: Be Alert!

  • Telling everything about yourself: Keep your personal information personal! 
  • Talking at an intimate level on the first date: Still not ready to get personal! 
  • Falling in love with a new acquaintance: Take it easy! You just met! 
  • Falling in love with anyone who reaches out to you: I’m sorry...do I know you? 
  • Being overwhelmed by a person: I need some space! 
  • Acting on first sexual desire or impulse: Save it for later! 
  • Trying to be sexy for someone else, not yourself: Feel good about you! 
  • Going against personal values or rights to please others: Don’t throw what you stand for away! 
  • Not noticing when someone else has inappropriate boundaries: Watch out! 
  • Accepting foods, gifts, touch or sex that you do not want: Be careful! 
  • Touching a person without asking: Hands off! 
  • Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting: You’re dating a person, not their wallet! 
  • Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving: You are not a charity! 
  • Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you: That is exploitation! 
  • Letting others direct your life: You’re the director of your own life! 
  • Letting others describe your reality: Nope...it’s still real to you! 
  • Letting others define you: You are not in the dictionary! 
  • Believing others can choose for you or read your mind: Your thoughts and feelings are yours! 
  • Expecting others to fill your needs automatically: Would you rather date a robot? 
  • Falling apart so someone will take care of you: You’re not a car...they can’t fix you! 
  • Being the tough guy or girl to take care of someone else: You can’t fix someone else! 
  • Being obsessed with the other person: Think of something else!
Types of Abuse Often Found in Relationships: What are they?

ABUSE is a HUGE violation of your personal boundaries!
  • Physical Abuse-is when contact of another person is used to cause feelings of physical pain, injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm
  • Emotional Abuse-Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant put downs to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased. Emotional abuse can take many forms. 
  • Sexual Abuse-is forcing undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. When that force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called sexual assault.
  • Verbal Abuse-is persistent behavior using words and/or “mind games” to instil self-doubt in the victim and and to build the abuser’s sense of being dominant or in charge.
REMEMBER!

You are an EQUAL part in ANY relationship and deserve to be treated as such. YOU have the power to choose whether or not you remain in a relationship and YOU get to decide if a relationship is unhealthy or not safe for you. NO ONE can take that power away. YOU define your reality by what you know, what you believe, and what you decide to do about it.


References:

Atwood, T. (2009, February 20). Romantic Relationships for Young Adults with Asperger's Syndrome and High Functioning Autism. Retrieved September 18, 2015.

Benito, N., Fishbein, H., Hepburn, C., Higgins, K., Janicki, M., Johns, P., . . . Wichmanowski, D. (2011, February 1). Sexuality Across the Lifespan: For Children and Adolescents with developmental Disabilities. Retrieved September 25, 2015.

Dore, L. (2011). Therapy and people with disability. Journal of the Counsellors and Psychotherapists Association of NSW, Inc., 11(1), 1-20. Retrieved September 19, 2015, from http://www.relationshipsandprivatestuff.com/images/CAPA_Q_1_2011_LizDore.pdf

Stanfield, J., Champagne, M., & Walker-Hrisch, L. (2000). Circles Level 1: Intimacy and Relationships. Retrieved September 19, 2015.

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